Mark 10:32
"As they followed they were afraid."
Reflection
There comes a moment in every disciple’s life when Jesus no longer feels familiar. In the beginning, following Him felt simple — almost effortless. We were certain we understood His heart, His ways, His voice. But then He begins to walk ahead of us with a determination that unsettles the soul. His face is set toward something we cannot see, and suddenly the One we once called Friend feels strangely beyond our reach.
Not because Jesus had changed, but because they were seeing a side of Him they had never encountered — the Christ who carries the full weight of human sorrow, sin, and redemption. The Christ who walks into suffering with unwavering resolve. The Christ who knows where He is going even when we do not.
This is the discipline of dismay: the season when Jesus seems distant, unfamiliar, even frightening. We stand behind Him, unsure, breathless, aware of the gap between His certainty and our confusion. Our instinct is to look back at earlier days — the obedience we offered, the sacrifices we made, the clarity we once felt — as if the past could steady us.
It is invitation.
He is leading us into a deeper knowing — not of His comfort, but of His character. Not of His nearness, but of His holiness. Not of the Jesus we imagined, but the Jesus who truly is.
If we endure the darkness without turning back, we discover that the unfamiliar Christ is still our Christ. And when the dismay lifts, we find ourselves able to follow Him with a steadiness we did not have before — a joy that is quieter, deeper, and more real than anything we knew at the beginning.
steady my trembling heart.
Teach me to trust the Christ who feels unfamiliar.
Hold me through the darkness of dismay
until I can follow You again with clear eyes
and a willing spirit.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
Exhale: I will follow in trust.
~ Quil
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