" He must increase, but I must decrease"
John the Baptist calls Jesus the Bridegroom—the One who has come for His people with covenant love. John’s joy was not in being important, admired, or needed. His joy was in pointing people to Jesus and then stepping back so they could hear Him for themselves.
That is what “He must increase, but I must decrease” means.
It is not about disappearing or becoming worthless.
It is about not becoming the center of someone else’s spiritual life.
Chambers warns that when someone is close to turning toward Christ—whether for salvation or for deeper surrender—we often rush in to “help,” and in doing so, we accidentally take God’s place. We become the one they lean on, the one they depend on, the one they listen to. And without meaning to, we block the very work God is trying to do.
Imagine you are someone’s closest friend. You see them entering a painful season—loss, confusion, conviction, or a crisis that shakes them. You love them, so you want to soften the blow, fix the problem, or rescue them from the discomfort.
Sometimes the struggle is the very thing that will turn their heart toward Christ.
But trying to be their emotional savior is where we cross the line.
When we become the one who carries them instead of Christ, we unintentionally rob them of the very encounter God is preparing.
What “getting in the way” actually looks like
• Trying to solve their spiritual crisis for them
• Giving advice instead of giving space
• Becoming the person they depend on instead of pointing them to Jesus
• Protecting them from the pain that God is using to draw them
• Trying to keep their life “stable” when God is shaking it on purpose
Chambers’ hard line—“You may have to watch Jesus wreck a life before He saves it”—doesn’t mean we celebrate someone’s suffering. It means we trust that God’s work sometimes begins where comfort ends.
Who would even notice this happening in someone’s life?
Most people will only see this kind of spiritual turning point in the lives of those they are close to—a spouse, a best friend, a child, a sibling, or someone who trusts them deeply. These are the relationships where struggles are shared openly enough for us to recognize when God is stirring something beneath the surface.
Casual acquaintances or neighbors usually won’t reveal this level of inner wrestling.
But in close relationships, we sometimes stand near enough to see when God is drawing someone, challenging them, or allowing a crisis to reshape their heart. And in those moments, our role is not to take over, but to gently step aside so Christ can lead.
If in doubt of whether you are in His way, just ask Him - He will enlighten your heart.
Lord, teach me how to love and support others without getting in Your way.
Give me wisdom to know when to step aside.
You are the Bridegroom and the Counselor of every heart.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
Exhale: Let me not stand in Your way.
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