The Quill and Me
My Journey to Obedience
Psalm 46:10 (KJV)
“Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Deuteronomy 31:8
"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord is the one who goes before you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor forsake you."
My Path to This Blog
My path to this blog has been a long one. I am 67 years old. I was saved at the age of 9. Yet I strayed, wandered off the path, and made many mistakes along the way. And I looked for love in all the wrong places.
Early Marriages
At 16, I married an alcoholic and was divorced by 17. I had a son out of wedlock. I left my mother's house. At 21, I entered another marriage, but betrayal marked that union. He sought access to my son, and I came to understand he was dangerous. By 22, I was divorced again.
The Loss of My Son
During that time, I worked as a bartender for 11 months. My family judged me unfit to raise my son. What began as temporary guardianship turned into adoption. I gave my son to my sister, believing he would have a better life.
But I was soon ostracized, cut off from his world. Birthdays, ballgames, photos—all were withheld. His birth certificate was changed. I was shocked, stunned, and hurt beyond reason. This was the beginning of a fifty‑year burden.
He grew up well—playing baseball, going to college, becoming a sports doctor with his own practice. But I did not know him. I do not know him. Not even as an aunt knows a nephew. My sister’s jealousy kept me away. I never hated her, but I was deeply hurt.
I would never have let her adopt him if I had known she would turn on me. How could one know such a thing? God knew it.
Later Marriages
At 24, I married Tasha’s father. His jealousy and destructive nature kept me a prisoner—no money, no freedom. I finally ran away and divorced at 28.
At 31, I married a younger man who was abusive and immature. I escaped to a shelter for abused women and divorced at 34.
At 40, I married an older man who was cruel and violent. He struck my tiny Chihuahua puppy and shoved me to the floor. I fled in the middle of the night and divorced at 44.
At 50, I married again, but when I brought my daughter home from the community home, he admitted he would have left if he had anywhere to go. I chose freedom once more and divorced at 63.
I have lived a life many have judged. Yet through it all, the deepest pain has been the absence of my son. That loss has never left me.
Turning Point: Forgiveness
For years, I had locked that grief away in a room and shut the door. It hurt too much to face. But now the Lord was showing me that I could not ignore it any longer. It was time.
Years ago I had a talk with my sister hoping to resolve this problem: the dividing line between us and my pain - it did not happen.
Recently as the Lord guided me, I realized I needed to forget about her part of this story. I have no control over anything but myself. I just needed to work on me...forgive myself for giving away my son and for hating myself all these years. This burden has almost destroyed me. The Lord told me I had carried it long enough. It was time to let it go. The only way to release myself from all of this was to lay this burden at the foot of the Throne of Christ.
I finally did that with a prayer of release, asking the Lord to help me and I laid it down and asked him to help me not pick it back up. I did not feel anything significant at the time of the prayer except the pain of the burden, the immense pain it was causing me had become unbearable to me, it was trying to completely destroy me. I laid it down and walked away from it. The Lord has been faithful, in a day or so I realized I felt lighter, freer, different...I am still marveling at the feeling of not carrying that pain around with me everyday, not feeling the guilt and shame it had covered me with. I am still crying, but now I cry with joy in my heart, with relief, with sadness for the unresolved issue but I have been released from that burden. It is gone. The devil has no power over me anymore...I have come so far. This milestone has given me courage and vision for the future. Hope and encouragement.
That is where the Forgiveness entry for my blog was born: Forgiving Myself. I never knew I needed this until now. I did not realize the implications of my life’s journey until the Lord revealed them.
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Ministry Born from Pain
The Lord is using my life to host this blog. It is a very hard thing to do, and I would not wish it on anyone. Yet I know He is turning my pain into testimony.
I never thought I would do this in the public eye. I have always cherished my privacy and kept my life simple and quiet. Writing openly and sharing my journey was not something I would have volunteered for. When the Lord first stirred me to begin, I wasn’t sure this was what He wanted me to do. I wasn’t sure where He was leading me.
But the Lord kept guiding me—patiently and gently. Each day He led me a little further into my self‑love journey. The Lord broke down my walls, opened the door to the past, and helped me face myself. Dealing with the pain, crying—a lot—all led me here.
That is how this ministry began. The words you read here are my testimony-my pain, my tears, my renewal, and my hope for a future free from the burden I carried for so long. they are the fruit of obedience. Left to myself, I would never have chosen this path. But because of Him, I walk it now.
This is not religion.
It is Jesus.
1 Corinthians 2:2
"For I decided to concentrate only on Jesus Christ and his death on the cross."
Every post is testimony. Every reflection is obedience. Every prayer is a reminder that Jesus is alive and present, guiding me step by step. I don’t pray to saints or to Mary; I pray to Jesus - my Savior, my Friend, my Lord. He is enough. He is everything.
Looking back, I see the preparation: the trials, the quiet victories, the moments of clarity — each one was Him getting me ready. As I write about forgiveness, self‑love, and renewal, I know these words are shaped by His hand. Seeds take time to grow. And so I keep writing, trusting that in His season, the fruit will be revealed.
If you find yourself here, reading these words, know this: it is not religion that brings us together. It is Jesus. He invites you, as He invited me, into a relationship that is real, personal, and full of grace.
A Prayer to Receive Christ
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Romans 10:9 (KJV)
“That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Have you felt a quickening in your spirit? Perhaps a restlessness or a gentle tug on your heart—an urging to take a step forward. That stirring is Jesus, calling you to His side.
If you're ready to respond honestly and begin a relationship with Jesus, pray these words from your heart:
“Lord Jesus, I come to You knowing I need Your forgiveness. I believe You died on the cross for my sins and rose again to bring me new life. I open my heart to You now—be my Savior and my Lord. Wash me clean, make me Yours, and guide me from this day forward. I give my life into Your hands, trusting You to lead me. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”
If you prayed this prayer, know that you are His, and He will never leave you.
When you pray in Jesus’ name, you are not simply adding words at the end of a prayer. You are declaring your trust in His authority, His sacrifice, and His role as your Savior. It is both a confession of faith and a way of aligning your heart with God’s will.
📖 Key Scriptures on Praying in Jesus’ Name
- John 14:13–14 – “Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.”
- John 15:16 – “…so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.”
- John 16:23–24 – “…if you ask the Father for anything in My name, He will give it to you. Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.”
- Colossians 3:17 – “Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.”
- 1 Corinthians 1:2 – “…with all who in every place call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours.”
✨ What It Means
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- Authority: Praying in Jesus’ name acknowledges His authority and that He is the mediator between us and the Father (John 14:6).
- Access: It affirms that we approach God not on our own merit, but through Christ’s finished work on the cross.
- Alignment: It means asking according to His will, so that the Father is glorified through the Son.
- Confidence: It gives assurance that our prayers are heard because we come through the name above all names (Acts 4:12).
Practical Guidance for Your New Walk In the Spirit
When you invite Jesus into your life, the Holy Spirit comes to dwell within you. His presence may feel quiet at first, but He is real, and He begins His work in you from the inside out. As you grow, learn to nurture your spirit and respond to His gentle leading.
🕊️ Feed Your Spirit
Just as your body needs food, your spirit needs nourishment. The Bible says:
- “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4)
- “Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation.” (1 Peter 2:2)
What this means for you:
- Read Scripture daily—it is spiritual food. Sit quietly afterward and meditate on what you have read.
- Pray and Worship. Open you heart to Him in honest conversation
- Fellowship. Share encouragement and truth with other believers.
- Let Christ dwell richly in you (Colossians 3:16).
⚠️ Do Not Grieve the Spirit
The Bible warns: “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” (Ephesians 4:30).
What this means for you:
- Avoid sin, bitterness, and disobedience, which bring sorrow to the Spirit.
- Guard your words and actions, choosing kindness, forgiveness, and love.
- Remember the Spirit is gentle—resist turning away (Acts 7:51)
🔥 Do Not Quench the Spirit
Paul writes: “Do not quench the Spirit.” (1 Thessalonians 5:19).
What this means for you:
- Don’t ignore or suppress the Spirit’s promptings.
- Be open to His guidance through Scripture, prayer, and circumstances.
- When He nudges you to pray, speak, or serve—respond with faith.
Quenching the Spirit is like putting out a fire; instead, let His flame burn brightly in your life.
🚶 Walk by the Spirit
Paul also says: “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16).
What this means for you:
- Walking by the Spirit means living daily in step with Him.
- Let Him guide your choices, attitudes, and relationships.
- As you walk with Him, the fruits of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23)—will grow in your life.
✨ A Gentle Reminder
The Spirit will never force you. He is kind, patient, and respectful of your free will. When you choose to listen, obey, and nurture your spirit, you will discover a life of peace, strength, and joy in Christ.
Personal Reflection
I share this because I wish someone had spoken these truths to me when I first came to Christ. (My Salvation Story) For many years I was blind, struggling to understand the Bible. I wandered and often went astray. At 21 and again at 26, I experienced moments of revelation. Yet it was through the precious gift of my daughter, born with Down Syndrome, that Jesus truly captured my heart and drew me into a deeper walk with Him. (that post is here A Mother's Story...)
In those early days I longed for guidance but did not receive it. That is why I offer these words now—with the prayer that they will bring you clarity, encouragement, and hope as you begin your own journey with Him.
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