Self‑Love – What is that?
Discovering the Meaning of Self-Love
I was sixty years old before I ever heard the term self‑love. I had never practiced it, never been taught it, and honestly didn’t even know what it meant. Some people seem to grow up knowing about these things but I wasn’t one of them.
Several years ago, I bought a self‑love workbook, hoping it would help me understand what everyone else seemed to already know. But about forty pages in, I made a discovery that stopped me in my tracks: I hated myself. And I had been hating myself for fifty years.
That realization was so overwhelming that I closed the book and put it away. I cried and processed that truth for two years. I didn’t have language for it. I didn’t have a plan for it. I only knew that something deep inside me had been broken for a very long time.
Two years later, I picked the workbook back up. And that is where this story continues — with me finally ready to look at the truth behind my life, even though I didn’t yet understand what it all meant.
My Story: A 50-Year Journey
Fifty years ago, I had a child under circumstances that were already painful and unstable. I was young, newly out of a broken engagement, and trying to find my footing. After my son was born, tension at home pushed me out on my own before I was ready. I worked wherever I could, trying to provide for us.
Someone close to me offered to keep my little boy “just until I got on my feet.” He was three years old at the time. I believed it was temporary. Later, I was told that adoption would be better for him — that I wasn’t fit, that he would have a more stable life elsewhere. I was young, overwhelmed, and convinced that everyone else knew better than I did. I agreed, thinking I would still be part of his life.
But that is not what happened.
A misunderstanding — something as small as being accused of giving him gum I didn’t even have — became the moment I was pushed out completely. I had been helping, babysitting, cleaning, doing whatever was needed, but suddenly I was told not to come back. From that day on, I was shut out of his life. No visits. No photos. No invitations. No milestones. Nothing.
He is turning fifty this year, and I hardly know him. The loss of him — the way it happened, the way it was handled, the way I was erased — shaped the way I saw myself for decades.
And this is where the workbook brought me: back to the beginning, back to the wound, back to the truth I had never faced. Before I could move forward, I had to understand how I got here.
Understanding how I got here was only the first step. Sitting with that truth changed something in me — it opened a door I had kept shut for decades. And once the door was open, I couldn’t pretend the wound wasn’t there anymore. I knew I couldn’t stay frozen in the past. Something in me whispered that it was time to return to the place where the unraveling began.
The Workbook That Found Me
So, I will return to my workbook, trusting that even in the mess inside me, God is present and guiding me toward peace.
The Self-Love Workbook I will be working out of was written by Megan Logan, MSW, LCSW. I bought it on Amazon, knowing nothing at all about self-love; how I chose this great workbook is still a mystery to me. The exact name is: *SELF-LOVE WORKBOOK FOR WOMEN: Release Self-Doubt, Build Self-Compassion, and Embrace Who You Are* (Copyright 2020).
Quoting from the book: “What is Self-Love? Self-Love is the fuel that allows an individual to reach their full potential, and is filled with compassion, grace, and gentleness.”
The workbook reminds us that we often struggle to know how to love ourselves. We may recognize the need for self-love but get stuck, not knowing what steps to take next. We become lost, unfamiliar with how to navigate the path forward.
Choosing to Begin Again
This book is going to take me through those steps. I am choosing to work through it and share my journey here on this blog. I don’t know exactly how that will unfold, and I admit I am reluctant to face the painful parts. If it were possible to skip the process, I would have done so long ago. But when I discovered I hated myself, it shook me deeply. It was hard to process that truth and find my way back to this workbook.
Now, it is time. I have to do this for myself. I believe the Lord is requiring it of me.
God in the Mess
Working through self-love is not about rushing to the finish line—it is about honoring each step, even the painful ones, as part of God’s refining work. The workbook is a tool, but the true healing comes from opening ourselves to grace, compassion, and the Lord’s presence in the process. My journey may be slow, but it is real, and I trust that even in the mess, God is shaping me toward peace. I will lean on this blog, and on you, as my accountability partners along the way. Without accountability, I would hardly take a step toward this workbook. But with this blog, with you reading, and with the Lord guiding me, I have companions on the path. That makes the journey possible.
My Prayer for the Journey:
You also see the longing in me to be whole,
As I open this workbook and face the truths inside,
Teach me to love myself as You love me—
Guide my steps, even when they feel heavy,
Please, grant me the strength and courage I need
In the precious name of Jesus -
A Thought to Carry With You:
Self-love is not a destination but a journey of courage, honesty, and grace. As I step into this process with the workbook, I am reminded that healing often begins in the places we least want to face. Yet even there, God meets us with compassion and strength. My hope is that as I walk this path, you too may find encouragement to face your own journey—trusting that you are never alone, and that love, both divine and personal, is waiting to guide you forward.
One Day At A Time...~ Quil
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