May 20: Luke 21:19 — Possessing My Soul When Everything Feels Out of Control (Today's Reading: My Utmost for His Highest)
Luke 21:19 — "By your patience possess your souls."
Oswald Chambers writes that when Christ gives us new life, our spirit is reborn instantly — but our soul (our thoughts, emotions, reactions, habits) must be patiently brought under the rule of that new life. He says many of us stay at the doorway of the Christian life because we never learn to "possess" our soul — to take hold of our moods, our reactions, and our inner life with spiritual steadiness.
We learn to express this new life in us, by forming the mind of Christ within. We do that by feeding the Holy Spirit the Word of God and He in turn teaches us and works the very nature of Jesus into us.
Chambers teaches that we blame things on the enemy that are actually a direct result of a lack of discipline on our part.
Chambers also tells us there are certain things that we need not pray about...moods, for instance. We do not need to pray about them or give them the time of day, but we do need to boot them out of our lives. Moods are usually associated with a physical condition, not spiritual at all, and we should never submit to moods. That if we would but pick ourselves up from the dust and shake ourselves off and set ourselves determined to grow as a Christian we would...but he says the problem most of us are cursed with is that we simply won't do that.
Spiritual courage and determination lived out in the flesh...that is the Christian life. But many of us never get past the doorway into this type of life...but we all need to take possession of our own soul...and the only way to do that is to follow Jesus' teachings, and he said, "by your patience possess your souls." And after the last week that I just lived through, I take this to mean, no matter what befalls you, no matter what is going on inside you or outside of you, do not lose your patient waiting on the Lord...he is never early, and never late...always right on time...His time that is. And His time is the right time, everytime.
Everything Chambers wrote suddenly became real to me — not as theory, but as the very ground I was walking on.
I lived this truth the other day.
Out of nowhere, a heavy mood settled over me. I was overwhelmed with housework, tired, and in physical pain. All of it combined into a fog that lasted nearly three days. But the truth is, it had started even earlier — with a deep, gnawing restlessness that grew stronger each day. I prayed. I read devotionals. I tried to steady myself. But I still felt out of sorts… restless, irritable, unable to concentrate, unable to write. I could not think clearly. I was not peaceful or settled at all — so unlike myself. I honestly thought I had lost it. I had no idea what was happening.
I kept trying to read my own devotionals, to ground myself in the Word, to trust the Lord — but nothing seemed to reach the place inside me that was churning. Nothing resonated with the restlessness that seemed to be overtaking me.
I kept asking, "Lord, what is wrong with me?"
In my journal — five full pages — I poured out everything:
"Father... Your will be done in my life. Forgive me where I fail You — and where I fail myself... How do I shake off 68 years of labels and judgments?... How do I stop feeling like a nobody? How do I believe You truly chose me, that You want me, that I am saved and sanctified?... I feel rattled. I feel overwhelmed. I feel unworthy... Help me..."
I wondered if I had prayed too little.
I wondered if I was under attack.
I wondered if I was losing the peace God had given me.
I struggled to finish my devotionals — three times this last week I posted late. I felt ashamed and confused. I didn’t understand why I couldn't get myself together. I was totally put‑out with myself. I could not be still. After days of wrestling, I went to bed determined to "shake this off" the next day.
But on that third night, I prayed again — not with strength, but with surrender.
And the next morning — yesterday — I woke up… steady.
Not because I forced myself.
Not because I "shook" myself into obedience.
Not because I got angry at myself.
But because God met me in the night and restored my soul.
Jesus said, "By your patience possess your souls."
And that is what God taught me through this storm.
I am learning that possessing my soul doesn't mean being perfect.
It doesn't mean never feeling overwhelmed.
It doesn't mean never slipping into old fears.
It means returning to God again and again until the storm inside me breaks.
My life is different now.
I am different now.
And even when I feel shaken, God is not.
He is faithful.
He is steady.
He is my hiding place, my strength, my everything.
And even when I feel like nothing, He reminds me that any vessel will do — as long as it is willing, obedient, and surrendered.
I did not know when this trial began that God was teaching me the very truth I would write about today.
As I look back on those days now, I realize something I could not see while I was in the middle of it. God was not abandoning me — He was teaching me. He allowed that restlessness, that heaviness, that inner storm to rise so that I would learn how to patiently steady my soul under His hand. It wasn't punishment. It wasn't failure. It was formation. He was showing me that my emotions are not my master, and that He alone restores me. When the lesson was complete, the storm lifted as suddenly as it came, and I could see clearly again. I understand now: He was teaching me how to "possess my soul" with patience, just as Jesus said.
Through it all, I held onto God. I never let go of Him — not once. Even when I was upset, confused, or overwhelmed, I stayed with Him. That evening after I lost my temper with my daughter, I went to my room, shut the door, and sat quietly before the Lord. I wrote in my journal, I thought things through, and I tried to understand what was happening inside me. It wasn't panic — it was a calm, contemplative turning toward God. I knew that whatever this storm was, I could not walk away from Him. I would not quit. I would not give up. I would not cave in to the pressure. I stayed with God all evening, and when I finally went to bed, I still held onto Him. And the next morning, when I got up early and made breakfast for my daughter, the storm had passed. God had brought me through.
Now that the storm has passed, I can finally see clearly what I could not see while I was in it. I am calm today not because I figured anything out, but because God brought me through. The restlessness lifted, the heaviness broke, the fear drained away — and I came out on the other side only because He made it so. I understand now what I did not understand then. I see now that the confusion, the fear, and the discouragement came from misunderstanding what was happening inside me. But God used the storm to pull those fears to the surface, and then He removed them. That is why I feel peaceful, calm, confident, and secure now — because He restored me, not because I restored myself.
Not every storm in life is God‑ordained, but this one was — and I know it now by the peace, clarity, and freedom He gave me on the other side.
I did not walk through this storm perfectly, but I did walk through it with my face turned toward Him. And now I know what to do next time. I know that emotions are not truth, that turmoil is not abandonment, and that fear is not a verdict. I know that storms can be formation, even when they feel like failure. And I know that when the next storm comes — if it comes — I can walk through it without fear, because I have seen what God does on the other side.
Exhale: My patience possesses my soul.
May the God who met me in my storm meet you in yours — giving you peace right when you need it, calm that steadies your soul, and the quiet confidence that He is forming something deeper in you, even when you cannot see it yet.
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📖 Scripture References
- Psalm 42:5 — “Why are you cast down, O my soul? Hope in God.”
- Psalm 61:2 — “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
- Psalm 143:4 — “My spirit is overwhelmed within me.”
- Psalm 62:8 — “Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”
- Psalm 142:2 — “I pour out my complaint before Him.”
- Isaiah 43:1 — “Fear not… I have called you by name; you are Mine.”
- Ephesians 1:4 — “He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world.”
- Romans 8:16 — “The Spirit Himself bears witness… that we are children of God.”
- 1 Peter 5:8–9 — “Be sober‑minded… resist him, firm in your faith.”
- Ephesians 6:12 — “We wrestle not against flesh and blood…”
- Psalm 103:14 — “He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.”
- Psalm 40:1–2 — “I waited patiently for the Lord… He brought me up out of the pit.”
- Lamentations 3:25–26 — “It is good to quietly wait for salvation from the Lord.”
- James 1:4 — “Let patience have its perfect work.”
- Psalm 23:3 — “He restores my soul.”
- Psalm 30:5 — “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”
- Isaiah 26:3 — “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You.”
- Psalm 46:10 — “Be still, and know that I am God.”
- 2 Corinthians 12:9 — “My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
- Psalm 55:22 — “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.”
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 — “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.”
- Ezekiel 36:26–27 — “I will give you a new heart… and cause you to walk in My ways.”
- Philippians 1:6 — “He who began a good work in you will complete it.”
- Isaiah 66:2 — “To this one I will look: the one who is humble and contrite in spirit.”
- Romans 12:1 — “Present your bodies a living sacrifice…”
- 2 Timothy 2:21 — “A vessel… useful to the Master.”
- Luke 21:19 — “By your patience possess your souls.”
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