The Quill and Me—Devotional Blog•Oswald Chambers Reflections
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May 30
Today's Reading: My Utmost for His Highest
Luke 9:61
“And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell…”
But God Saw Me
For most of my life, I lived in the place Chambers describes — the place of “Yes, Lord… but.”
Yes, Lord, but I’m afraid. Yes, Lord, but I don’t understand. Yes, Lord, but I’ve been left before. Yes, Lord, but I don’t know how to trust You.
I didn’t realize how deeply that hesitation was rooted in me until the Lord brought back a childhood memory — a moment when I fell on a school playground, was hurt, and no one noticed. That day planted something in me: If I don’t take care of myself, no one will. I carried that belief into adulthood, and without knowing it, I carried it into my relationship with God.
For years I believed I was unseen, unheard, and unnoticed — not just by people, but by God Himself. I didn’t understand His nearness. I didn’t know His voice. I didn’t recognize His watching over me.
But He saw me even then. He saw every “Yes—But” I ever whispered. He saw every fear, every hesitation, every place where I tried to protect myself.
And when I finally reached the end of myself, I discovered He had been there the whole time.
My Surrender — April 2026 In April of 2026, the Lord revealed what I needed to do: lay my will at His feet.
I had resisted surrender all my life without realizing it. I didn’t trust anyone else to take care of me — not even God. But when I finally surrendered — truly surrendered — everything changed.
The Scriptures I had read all my life suddenly became real. The promises became experiences. The words became life. I became held, seen, loved, carried, supported, and strengthened.
The Lord had been with me all my life — but now I am with Him. And I never want to be apart from Him again.
Breath Prayer:
Lord, You see me… and now I see You.~ Quil
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